Speaking the language

lovr

I wasn’t surprised about the results of my love language test….

Touch 9

Acts of Service 7

Words of affirmation 6

Quality Time 5

Receiving Gifts 3

Love Language Explained

We all have our order of what is important to us and why. Truth is, all of these things are important on some level for relationships to work.

I’ve been thinking about all of these things, and not only how they apply to what I want…but how I have historically gone about trying to please a partner.  I applied what I wanted or needed to them.

I realize now that I did this for two reasons: first, I was giving my partner what I wanted or needed because it was the only way I knew how to please…….but also, on some level I did this wanting them to do the same in return for me, therefore meeting MY needs.

Result was that no one’s needs or wants were met. It’s crazy to me now looking back, that I never had these conversations with any boyfriends…. Much less my ex husband.

5_love_languages_fierce_marriage_2

But that’s life. You learn and you grow. I didn’t have this tool then. I do now. 🙂

I think these conversations can be hard to have. Scary. But if I’m not willing to have them, I am not truly open to love in my life.

I have been looking at myself in past relationships, particularly my marriage. I had put myself down as a quitter…. someone who doesn’t put in the work in a relationship…. a (ex ) wife who was less than so many of my other friends or family….

But that’s not the truth. That’s distorted thinking, and it doesn’t serve me. I did file for divorce, but the truth is that the marriage was already over. To be more truthful, our marriage was pretty much over from the day it started… because neither of us were getting married for the right reasons. Yes, I will have to address that too…but that’s a separate post altogether.

Anyway…..once your spouse looks you in the face and tells you that they don’t love you anymore…..that they aren’t sure they ever did….. Well, the paperwork just kind of seems like semantics.

Then…. add to that my ingrained Catholic guilt about divorce. I broke a sacrament. I grew up believing that divorce was not an option. Yet, here I was. What did that make me?

Selfish? Spoiled. Soiled. Here we go again. Why do I do this to myself?

Anyway…. it has finally occurred to me recently, that there is another way to look at this….

Staying in my marriage was slowly taking the life from both of us. We were both suffocating from our unhappiness.

That’s no glory to God.

I’m not saying that this is his plan. Not by any means. But perhaps divorce is a sin like any other…. and that we can be forgiven? That we are can be new again?

I don’t know the answers. I only know that I have been given one life. I chose….. I choose…..to live it.

I’m trying to remember this :

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I hope that this pleases God. I believe it does.

 

 

 

 

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10 thoughts on “Speaking the language

  1. I can relate to this on so many levels Cinn. I stayed in my failed marriage way too long because I didn’t want to disappoint God. It feels silly in hindsight but as you know the feeling is very real and anything but silly. It took a little while but once I forgave myself for my mistake, I felt God’s grace. It was always there but I couldn’t feel it until that moment. Here for you sister, big hugs ♡

    Liked by 1 person

  2. No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path. Do not deny your feelings. Accept what is and not what we wish it to be. You did the right thing, there is no guilt where there is no blame to be had.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I have gone back and forth on the whole love language thing. In one of the last counseling sessions I had with my wife the counselor just point blank said we were way to different. That said I think it is important to understand personality and love language of each other going into a relationship. I’m a touch, acts of service, affirmation and I am a gift giver. Touch and affirmation being primary.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Random comment. I am enjoying the fact your post reflects all sides of you. If gives the sexy, sad, happy, tired….all your faces. I am trying to do the same with mine this time. I have tried having multiple post, posting and deleting etc. Anyway, I am enjoying all your many faces.

        Liked by 1 person

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