Always had my heart

I met him when I was eighteen years old, and a virgin. He was very tall, and handsome… blonde hair and hazel eyes……the most beautiful boy I had ever seen.

We learned everything there was to know about each other. We shared thoughts and feelings….ideas… reading books and underlining things that we found interesting, and then the other would read and we would discuss. This has remained one of my favorite memories, even a couple decades later.

We played together. Whether it was hiking, or camping….or playing army men on my naked body….we enjoyed one another.

He challenged me to do things… to try things…. he challenged my every way of thinking and being.

He made me feel things in a way that I have never felt before…. or since.

I loved him truly, deeply, madly as the song says….

And then one day she showed up….his high school girlfriend. It was a few days later that he broke up with me, and my heart broke for the first time.

I spiraled into the deepest depression of my life. I wanted to die, quite literally. I went to work and then came home and slept until the next morning…This pattern repeated itself for weeks…until his best friend came and dragged me out of bed and basically kicked my ass into living….

But our world was small, and we circled one another constantly. He was conflicted… he felt guilty about his girlfriend. He felt he owed her…but he wanted me. I wasn’t conflicted. I wanted him.

So we circled…And then I realized that I was never going to get over him unless I got away. So, I put in for a transfer… and wound up going to Turkey for nearly two years.

It was here that I would fall in love for the second time.

To be continued…

 

 

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