The Oral Issue

This is a subject that a lot of  women steer clear of, because let’s face it… it isn’t going to sound like the sexy, pleasing partners we want to be or be seen as….

First off, NOT every woman likes to suck dick. Cock. Whatever your word of choice. Some do it strictly out of service. Because their partner requires it. Because they want to please. Because they are afraid their partner might stray otherwise..

Why don’t they like it? I don’t know. Why do some people like chocolate and others don’t? My guess is that it has to do with how they were raised… how they think about sex…. maybe lack of experience…Fear…shame ?

Perhaps their partner doesn’t taste good? Not all semen tastes the same. Men– one word. Diet. ( What you eat ) It matters.

And then there is the double standard. Lots of men don’t like to eat pussy… but they still want their blow jobs.

I married such a man. He never went down on me. During the two years that we dated, it didn’t really bother me. I noticed, sure.. but other things were good. But after we were married, I did question him about it. He basically told me that the idea repulsed him. He made me feel dirty, and not in a good way.

This continued on, and my resentment grew. I can’t tell you how long it went on… but I can tell you that one day I told him that if he was “on strike” then so was I.

The woman who loves blow jobs shut down for business.

He went on to sleep with pretty much anyone who looked his way. Was this shut down a part of it. Maybe. Probably. Who knows?

Do I regret it? Well, there is a mixed bag of emotions. I regret marrying him. There’s the real answer.

I can’t say that I have much experience receiving oral. I don’t. But I will say that it has been more than twenty years since any man brought me to orgasm with his mouth.

Does this bother me somewhere in my mind? Sure it does.

Is it technique or my own fears about my body that get in the way? Likely both.

We as women are always worried about cleanliness and smell. We have all kinds of products to clean a self cleaning organ. How ridiculous is that?

You don’t see products to freshen up a dick..

I don’t know the answer to the issue. I just know that it is something that deserves a conversation.

Frankly men, if you can’t stomach the smell or taste of your woman, you need to get her to a doctor. If it’s REALLY so repulsive to you…. I kind of have to wonder why you even want to stick your dick in it?

And if it’s just awkward… uncomfortable… you don’t know what you’re doing…. Let me tell you that MOST men don’t know what they’re doing. ( Men, don’t write me and tell me how you’re ALL THAT. If you are, your woman will tell me. But in my limited experience, BIG talk equals BIG disappointment so please see below )

Be your woman’s lover. Research. Experiment. Try to please her like she pleases you.

Because if you don’t, in MY opinion… you just plain SUCK. and not in a good way.


  • A revision of an old post.

28 thoughts on “The Oral Issue

  1. You give great advice with “Try to please her like she pleases you.” To me, communication is huge. If a mental obstacle exists about something (oral sex for example), it benefits by being discussed. Especially when one partner wants to receive it, but the other partner doesn’t give it. Then explore how to meet in the middle. We can learn a lot from good communication. I’m not an expert at it, but talking has certainly helped issues with my marriage.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Maybe for myself or others who do better with the written word… Perhaps this can be a conversation starter?
      But you’re right… Has to start with communication.

      I’m glad you are willing to have the uncomfortable and/or tough conversations…. I admire that.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. I can tell you one other thing that has a big influence. And not just on men. Cigarette.
    Yep, smoking gives an awful taste (to a non-smoker) to either your semen (or your secretions if you’re a woman). How do I know? Experience 😉
    Now, about smell/taste… I agree. Often it’s a sign that something isn’t quite right. Sometimes, it’s also a matter of treating both partners. Which is not always easy when one doesn’t see how that is important.
    And another thing I’ll comment on: technique. I don’t have any, though I’m hoping that I should get feed-back, because it would help greatly.
    Now, on the receiver end… there is no one perfect technique, and I have noticed that things that work great with one partner don’t necessarily work with another. And that you may crave a very different sort of touch depending on whom you’re with 🙂


      1. Do you know it’s only today I realised I wasn’t following you?
        How is that possible! I am fairly certain I was! But then I got distracted and didn’t notice! :-/

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m glad you broached this subject. I’ve been tempted to write about it but honestly haven’t posted much in a long time.I love oral (both giving and recieving) but I’m not sure a man has went down on me in my thirties and I’m one year short of 40. That’s sad! My ex said I didn’t need it to orgasm and so it was greedy of me to ask. I realize now what a jerk he was in many ways but at the time I just didn’t want to be a bother.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Dan Savage, the sex blogger, coined a great acronym, GGG– good, giving and game. Technique can always be improved, but enthusiasm and wanting to pleasure your partner may count for even more. Communicate, give, and love well. Thanks for this, Cinny! 💜

    Liked by 3 people

  5. I learned long ago that if you make sure and give your partner pleasure you will definitely get it in return.
    And giving her some oral loving will help give her that pleasure.
    I, for one, insist on giving!
    Communicating is a must. Ladies don’t be afraid to guide your partner on where and what feels best.
    69 is a favorite of mine, but if my partner is not up to giving head at the moment I am more than happy to give it to her. I know I’ll reap the benefits later.

    Liked by 3 people

  6. Cinn, this was so well said and broached so many aspects. I was a “don’t go there, I’m dirty/smelly” for many years. Something changed. In me? In him? Either way we both enjoy it now. No, I haven’t come to orgasm that way, but the intimacy is still very nice. Thanks for your post!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I’m really glad you have had a positive turn 😄
      I think that many… If not most of us women feel that sense of worry… It programmed into us by marketing and media.
      Thank you for your comment ❤️💋

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Well….first off, I am a giver. A skilled giver at that. Now I am thinking….it I eat chocolate and drink a few glasses of really good wine a few hours ahead (a head/bad pun I know) I might get lucky next time

    Liked by 1 person

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