Looking back and moving forward…


It’s been over a year since I’ve had sex. The same since I’ve had any kind of kinky fuckery. I have been on a self imposed sabbatical of undetermined length…

Recently I reached out to an old friend… those who followed me long ago might remember ” Awesome”.

Fresh on the heels of separating from my husband, I started scouring the internet for anything and everything that might bring me happiness. I found myself on all kinds of dating sites… and on one of these I came across him. Well, he found me.

Anyway, the night we met he told me I was beautiful. I couldn’t look at him. My ex had decimated my self esteem, and I had nothing. I stared at the floor. I felt his hand wrap around my neck and fingers lifted my chin until he was staring into my eyes. He said it again. And again. And again…And then he made me say it.

When we became intimate, I was insecure about my body. He was ( and is ) very fit. Ex Marine and marathon runner. Quite daunting… but he told me that he didn’t want another hard body. He wanted the softness of a woman.

We were great in many ways… but one. He’s a switch. For my non kink readers, that means that he alternates between being dominant and submissive. We both tried to make it fit but it didn’t … quite.

But I’m a different person now. That was four years ago.

So we’ve been talking for a few weeks. I’ve put off seeing him, even though he’s mad to do so. I will when I’m ready. I haven’t decided yet what will or won’t happen. I know what he is hopeful for, but I am feeling much more in control this time.

So that prefaces the below:

This photo and prompt idea from Em, brings up all kinds of delicious thoughts. Perhaps I’ll use the restraints on him while I brush back up on my blowjob skills? Perhaps he will use on me… meh, I prefer handcuffs actually. I like that heavy clink as they fasten snugly around my wrist. I like that bit of pain as it bites the skin when one struggles against them.

The wheel… oh the wheel. Cold steel prickly fingers of sensation…… I have two actually. I have a single wheel, and I have a three wheel version. Quite delicious the feeling as they slide along a neck…a breast…. inner thigh… I catch myself wondering how they might feel as they glide along a testicle. Particularly if one might be blindfolded. Mmm, now that is a favorite of mine.

And then the flogger…. Oh yes please. I have several. Soft version.. Stingy version. Thuddy version. How I’ve missed the pleasure and the pain I love the feel of leather… the smell of it….

I hadn’t let myself even open the box. Mentally or literally. But they’re open now….

Oh my, I think someone might be in trouble.








6 thoughts on “Looking back and moving forward…

  1. Is he a switch in personality, need, and expectations? Or is he a switch in regards to kink and sex only? Sounds like it could be a lot of fun for you, which you deserve. i am glad that you are considering your own needs, and seem willing to do things on your terms. 😀

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I’m going to say kink and sex only… Thank you. Honestly, I do like the idea of some fun with someone I trust
      Having a solid basis of friendship makes it even better

      Liked by 2 people

  2. I say good for you!
    I’m not thinking only about the sex, but the mere act of being close to someone physically, held in a hug (though this may not be your cup of tea, I’m not sure!), or touched, acknowledged as being you, as being…
    I have a friend who doesn’t want to have sex without love. I can understand where he’s coming from, though I’m not sure how much love can blossom without sex being present. What I mean is, the intimacy of sex brings a different layer of love. And love is opening yourself up totally and accepting the other fully as they do the same… and how can you do that when you refrain from, forbid yourself the ultimate act of opening up? Ok, sorry, got side-tracked here. All I wanted to say is that he hasn’t been touched in a friendly way in way too long. The only hugs he’s gotten lately are mine, through the Internet. And I know that’s not quite the same.

    I’m glad for you that you get to do it on your terms, and soon too.
    Enjoy, let us know how it went too…
    (on a side note, I can see no picture here…)

    Liked by 1 person

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