Date #1

It was a dark and stormy day, and I was exhausted from a very long week… so I dragged until late in the day.

We had discussed meeting for a late lunch… But between running late, and picking up equipment from a coworker taking much longer than I anticipated, it was closer to dinner time. 

I really wanted to cancel. All I wanted to do was go home… I started getting really panicky and anxious… I sent him a text saying I needed to reschedule. I had previously told him about my anxiety issues.

He actually called me, and was so calm and reassuring that I found myself agreeing to meet him.

We met at a red lobster, and first impression was better then the picture I had previously seen. That is always pleasant!

The dinner conversation was easy, and everything was going good. Then, the check comes. I offered to pay half and he said no… But then puts his hand down to his pocket, and announces that he doesn’t have his wallet.

The next thing he does is call his daughter, and ask her to check the pants he was wearing earlier in the day. And he tells me that he left his wallet at home, and she will bring it to him…

By this time, I really want to get going. I have an hour and a half drive to get back, and although the rain has stopped, it is getting dark.

In retrospect, I could have left him with the check to wait for his daughter… But, I was not thinking. I paid it, and he walked me to my car. We talked and hugged… And I was on my way.

In fairness, I truly do not think he did this on purpose. He seemed very embarrassed, and promised to make it up to me.

The one thing that keeps sticking in my mind is why he called his daughter first. Wouldn’t you go look in the car first?

But at this point, it doesn’t really matter.

I had every intention of giving him another chance… But, things fizzled out. I am not sure why, other than we just didn’t seem to have anything to talk about.

I am not a fan of talking on the phone… But I know that it is a necessary part of adulting and building/maintaining relationships.

But… If you’re going to call me all the time and then just sit there in awkward silence, that is another thing altogether.

I tried! I asked questions, and got very little back… What’s worse, is when I did not pick up the phone when he would call, I could literally feel tension and pouting. Same with texting if I was busy.

I will absolutely make time for the right person in my life… But I have a job, and a life… And if you can’t understand these basic things as an essential stranger, I have no illusions as to where that would go if they felt we were actually together.

The kiss of death was a conversation where he declared to me that he was an alpha male.

I like dominant men… But there is a difference between Alpha and dominant, and so I have learned to listen carefully to what they say. More than what they say, the tone of what they say.

I did not like what I was hearing… And he did not like my response. That was a few days ago, and we have not talked since. That is actually a good thing, because I didn’t have to have that uncomfortable conversation. 😀

I like the man to be the leader in the relationship.  Because it is how we both get our needs met… Because it is what is best for us as individuals, and as a couple.

Not because he is the man and he says so! 

I know several of my followers are non-kink ( vanilla ) and this may not be something you understand. That is OK. Please feel free to ask any questions you have. I am always open to dialogue, as long as it is respectful.

As I continue to date, and hopefully enter a relationship, I will be expanding on this subject.


17 thoughts on “Date #1

  1. I totally understand where you are coming from as someone who also desires a dominant man and….just based on your encounters with this person it appears he is trying to convince himself of his “status”. His actions and responses don’t seem to match up. Probably just as well things fizzled out but you never know unless you try.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I agree . It sounded like his marriage ended due to him controlling his wife… I am sure there are other reasons and factors, but I definitely saw hints of that!

      I am just trying to take my time, and keep my options open. In the past, I think I was too quick to get excited about one person … And didn’t give other people a chance. Unfortunately, that one person was often a bad choice.

      I really want a relationship, and a forever one. I need to make better choices, and I am trying very hard to do that.

      Liked by 3 people

  2. I hear you -us ladies are complex.. I don’t want some dude telling me what to do unless it is for kicks – I am freak at times! ha ha! Yeah Alpha male – man up .Don’t be a dick. Taking control dominantly in an assertive way is a skill. OOh well onto the next. Was he chocolate?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hahaha! Had to laugh at the chocolate reference. We probably don’t have the same definition of chocolate, but… I’m writing about my chocolate flavour at the moment!

    I’m proud of you Cinn. For going out, and for not letting this get to you. It’s his problem, not yours. His bad, not yours.
    If in addition you saw hints of an abusive previous relationship, then… good for you.
    Even better that you didn’t have to have the conversation. Or not. I mean, the first time I had to tell someone I was dating goodbye was very empowering. I remember it vividly. I had tried to tell him verbally that I didn’t think things were going to work out, but he didn’t believe me. He once sent a text where he basically was making fun of a kid of mine. A kid I was very worried for at the time. That was it. I was sitting next to The Dancer, going to a swinging sauna (this was at a time when I was still supposedly looking for a *real* relationship)… I just told him that was it and I was going to delete him from my phone, goodbye.
    WOW! That felt great!
    Then went on to explain to The Dancer who he was and what he’d said, and what I’d replied.

    Yes, I’m cheering you on!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. We all have our euphemisms don’t we ? 😀
      I always tell my friends I like my men lightly toasted!
      But seriously, the color of their skin has never been the defining factor. No will it be

      Thank you! I really appreciate your words of support and always have.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. First, you handled that so well! Second, *argh*!!! OMG … I don’t want to go through this and I know if I want a relationship, I’m going to have to. Maybe I’ll just get another puppy and bag the whole idea of ever dating!

    I think you did so well. The “forgetting” his wallet .. the “alpha” male .. I’m with Ash .. I’d have had to excuse myself to the ladies room to lose it for a minute or risk giving myself a brain aneurysm!!

    You are a trooper and we’re here for you!



    Liked by 1 person

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