I have depression. I have had it all of my life… My mother and I think it started in grade school, or at least that’s about where we can pinpoint it. During my marriage, life became nearly unbearable. I saw a doctor, and was put on Wellbutrin. 150 mg soon became 300
It helped. At least I think it did… But mostly I think it numbed.
After my divorce, I quit taking it. I thought my ex was gone, therefore my pain was gone and I didn’t need it anymore. I made two mistakes here. Number one was to quit taking it cold turkey. Never ever do this!
Number two, I did not seek any type of mental health help. I had not worked through any of my issues. They were not gone, as I was soon to find out.
I made some terrible personal choices during this time. It was only when I faced absolute rock-bottom, that I went back to the doctor and resumed medication.
It is now just past four years later. I have done a lot of personal exploration and growth in these years. My depression is not gone, however my need for medication is.
I weaned myself off about two months ago. I feel good, and mentally healthy. What I have noticed, is that I feel more alive than I have in a long time. Also, my anxiety levels have dropped significantly. I never realized that anxiety can be a side effect of the medication.
In the last few years, my anxiety had reached levels crippling my life.
I still have anxiety. I still have depression. I do have concerns for the rough times to come in life.
But, I am resolved to taking care of myself in a different way… While leaving the door open for medication in the future should the need arise.
I am a firm believer in people taking care of themselves in whatever way is necessary.
What I have realized is that I spent these last few years on personal growth, and now the rest of the way needs to include the physical aspects.
As much as I hate the thought ( 😄 ) that means diet and exercise… Vitamins and plenty of sunlight.
For the first time in a long time, I feel back in control of my life.