And sometimes it’s not about us at all

A lesson I am learning later in life…. Sometimes, things happen… And we feel rejected. Those times are not always what we think.

#1) I had a new guy message me on the dating site… We started to talk there and moved to text. He asked me out. I agreed… The day of the date came, and I never heard from him.

I did not know why. I also did not text him. I could have. I chose not to. I wondered why he had decided to blow me off, and a couple days later I did text him and ask him in what I thought was a pretty nice tone.

I figure if you are making mistakes and you don’t ask… You’re never going to learn. I was curious to see the answer I would get.

I did not get an answer for several days… And then I got this:

So, I don’t know if that’s the truth or not. But I’m going to take it at face value. We have plans to meet for dinner tomorrow night. 

The other one, is the date #7…. I think he may be too quiet and reserved for me… Because I usually rely on someone else to get me out of my shell.

I also am concerned that he works too much, and won’t have time for me. Yes it’s early in the relationship… But I don’t want to be begging for time and attention…

I had texted him and felt like I got very little back… So I stopped. My days of chasing somebody who isn’t chasing me are gone.

At least when I am cognizant of it.

This morning I got this:

So, we chatted a bit and agreed to meet tonight.

I don’t know if either of these two are a love connection for me… But what I do know is that they have both taught me a valuable lesson.

I can’t really say that I enjoy dating. I don’t. For the most part, it actually feels like work… And personal growth.

Counting this as growing pains… Still further steppingstones doors the life of my dreams.

I’m getting there. One day at a time

21 thoughts on “And sometimes it’s not about us at all

  1. I think that when we date, we tend to forget that life often has other plans for us that trumps dating and the rules of conduct dating seems to require and rules that are are often so strictly applied that the only allowable excuse for not maintaining contact and staying committed to the date is a sudden loss of life.

    We are quick to assume a lack of interest, quick to assume the worse and just never allow for Mr. Murphy to do what he does best – screwing things up. Without offense, it often cracks me up to see women who want to be chased and captured… but have resolved themselves to never chase, to never flip the script and make a guy their prey instead of being prey themselves and while making it as difficult to be captured as they can manage.

    And also without offense, women wanna know why men think they’re insane? Yeah, I understand it all; I’ve been around the block more times than I care to admit but it begs a simple question: Does behaving in this matter make sense and does it ever accomplish anything? It begs another question: If you’re looking to be in a relationship, doesn’t it make sense to do whatever has to be done in order to establish one… or does one’s pride, ego, or sense of self-importance matter more?

    You’re right: Sometimes, it ain’t about us or what didn’t happen when we expected it to or in whatever way we expected it. Life makes demands on us that can ruin the best laid plans and if we are so unwilling to give a second chance for something to develop, why bother with dating at all? Nothing beats a failure but a try and if you don’t try, failure is guaranteed…

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I couldn’t love your comment more. You are totally right! The problem is, I was raised in a very strict and conservative household… And it’s very hard to get past those ingrained teachings. “Girls don’t call boys” ” girls don’t chase boys”etc etc etc…. Somehow the voice is always in my head.
      But, after listening to several men, that they didn’t even know I was interested, clearly something needs to change.
      And that’s me.

      I am working on it… So thank you for your honest feedback. I Will definitely take that into consideration and try to make some changes….

      It’s really all about fear. Shame. Takes me right back to Em’s post yesterday.

      But I hope you didn’t read that I am not willing to give second chances… Because that’s not the case at all. I was open to both.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yeah, I’m familiar with the mindset of that upbringing and it usually proves to be counterproductive when a sista is looking to be in a relationship. What you were taught means well but doesn’t always work in the real world and many women learn that if they want a man, they’d better go get him because it ain’t likely he’s gonna fall into your lap.

        Used to be that men were the hunters and women were what we hunted… and women said if that works for you dudes, why can’t it work for us? So women are hunters and us poor guys are prey… not that I’d complain but, sure: If you want it, go get it because if you keep waiting for it to come to you, you’ll be waiting for a good minute.

        It’s not shameful; it’s taking the initiative, going for what you know and want for you and your life. You just never assume anything and only accept proven facts – saves headaches and heartaches. You always allow room for things to go wrong because if it can go wrong, it will when you don’t need it to.


    1. Also want to note, I just wanted clarification on what you were saying… In no way did I want to come across like your comment wasn’t welcome if I did


  2. Almost everyone who is in the dating game these days has issues or baggage from previous relationships- kids, sagging careers, insecurities, etc. I agree with the first commenter, but… common courtesy should apply, and if a potential partner, male or female, has trouble communicating simple things like ” I’m sorry, I can’t make it tonight”, then I’d hesitate to engage further. Gosh, Cinn, I hope you connect with someone soon who is a good match for you!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Peep!! Good to see you around 😄

      I hope so too… But my mindset is completely on a marathon versus a sprint. I think that this period of my life is about personal growth and I am doing my best to be open to life’s lessons

      I’ve missed you

      Liked by 2 people

  3. I think worst case scenario you’ll meet to two new people you’ll have otherwise never been introduced to …
    Always approach with caution, keep safe, let people know where you are and who you’re meeting but also have fun, enjoy, live, experience.
    You don’t have to take on other peoples baggage just like they don’t have to take on yours but it’s always nice to give people the benefit of the doubt. Either way you’re brave for getting this far.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I am just proud of your for speaking up and asking and being prepared for what came be it good or bad! You have had such an amazing energy in dating this time and I love seeing the strength that you have grown into.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. You know, especially for Men, it’s hard to make friends later in Life. If this doesn’t work out, it doesn’t matter because you may have a made and become a friend. That is a gift in itself. (I say this as I watch M get older – and how his friends operate. Make friends earlier, after seeing how hard it becomes when you get older.)

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I dipping back into the dating pool and it is quite interesting. Having come out of relationships navigating these waters is like having lifeboat with no oars. Good luck and trust your gut! As I say in my blog – we all have issues – some have duffel bags and some have cargo trunks!

    Liked by 1 person

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