Just thoughts

I found myself today thinking about The Whip, and wondering if I was fooling myself.

Is something there for him, or is it just in my mind and heart ? 

How could I still love him after all these years? I have never once doubted my feelings. Why ?

I don’t think he has ever lied to me. We didn’t break up because of any betrayal, or bad event… Which is I guess why I never flip that switch completely off.

I did activate dating profiles again, and like any female, found my inbox flooded. However, really only a couple good prospects. Found myself wondering what would happen if I hit it off with someone here?

And then my phone alerted that I had messages… TW sharing a beautiful picture of snow 

falling in the mountains.

It occurred to me that I was sitting in my car with the biggest and most ridiculous ear to ear grin on my face.

And there it is again. 

What I do know, is that if we do give this a chance… And it doesn’t work out, I have to let him go completely.

I am not being negative… But I do see clearly that holding onto him has meant  my heart has never fully belonged to anyone else. 

That is not to say that I have not loved… I have. But …this….

So I’m trying not to overthink. To live life and take what comes…. but for a chronic worrier and over thinker… That is extremely hard.

19 thoughts on “Just thoughts

  1. So THAT’s what scares me when I think of the possibility that The Dancer could not be in my life any more!
    Because I don’t think I ever REALLY loved before him… Not with that deep connection, respect and support…
    Thank you for this post…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I will always love my first love more than anyone. I was neglected as a child and gave her everything. The died when she walked away.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Thanks for sharing a bit of your evening with me. It was a pleasure meeting you! Hopefully we will share some time again one day.

        Liked by 1 person

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