I’ve been having a really tough time lately…I may have to go back on my antidepressants. I don’t want to honestly… I don’t miss that numb feeling… and it’s not like I didn’t have these black periods when on them…
But right now everything hurts. Did you know depression can make your body ache? It does
And adding to it, things are very stressful at work. Business is down… This is fairly normal and cyclical, but there is immense pressure from above. This always falls on me… My position…
Today, I was really hurt and surprised by another team leader tearing down me and my performance. Both to my supervisor and my subordinates. Completely disrespected and blindsided.
I have to admit there are areas in which I can improve. I will improve. But some of this was strictly blame shifting and unfair.
I came home from work feeling completely defeated. And the sickness that is depression whispered to me ” you’re always tired… You’re getting older now… Maybe you can’t do this anymore… You have no one to rely on but yourself, what’s going to happen to you when you can’t anymore??
Maybe you should just kill yourself ”
The voice whispers to me all the time… It always has.
I am able to push it aside. To silence it. But never for long.
What saves me is my friends. Those who love you, and hold your hand through those times.
And this blog…. I know it’s not fun to read. It’s not sexy. It’s not sparkly. But you all lift me up with your kindness… And remind me that while today’s sparkle may be dimmed, tomorrow’s may be blindingly bright