Well, it’s been a stressful time at work. We had a pretty intense audit/visit/coaching from a company big wig and very close friend of the CEO. I don’t do well with these things. Outwardly I do… but I will worry myself to death. It is tied into my obsessive need to be perfect. Or at least as close to perfect as I can be.
Last night over dinner my colleagues were teasing me about it… I envy their ability to not sweat stuff.
I’m trying to be better. I’m doing a lot of meditation these days and that’s a tremendous help. But more about that another time…
Today was results day… and in front of the one(s) who made me feel so badly last week… it was said that “The problem is NOT operational”
It is because of THEIR fumbles that the misses are occurring on the financial statements.
So did they apologize for blaming me? For telling me that I haven’t been doing a good job?
That would be no.
It doesn’t matter. Those who matter, know.
What’s more is that yet again I took responsibility for their choices today. For a choice that I advised against.
They sat there silent while I owned it and the consequence. Consequence was a minor unpleasant discussion, while I am fairly certain they knew that it was not really my crap.
But I won’t sell someone out. I won’t throw them under the bus, even when they do it to me. I will defend myself as needed…. and thankfully I was reminded that my work speaks for itself.
That’s what a leader does right? I don’t know. Sometimes it’s so hard to know what the right thing to do is.
But I feel good about my choices and actions, so I guess that’s all that matters.