I was completely unprepared for how hard it would be… How sad I would feel. Turns out, it’s sometimes gut wrenching even when you’re the one initiating the break up.
He didn’t understand. He thought perhaps I wanted someone else…
I had been holding back a lot of my thoughts and feelings… That’s on me.
Selena talked me through it and helped me see that he needed an explanation… It turned into a letter that was full of emotion…. Hurt, and anger…
I didn’t know what his reaction would be.
Men in my past… Well most of them would have told me to fuck off… If they responded at all.
New guy did not. He acknowledged receiving it, and took time to process. Then he came back with a very sincere apology… And acknowledgement that it’s not the right time for us to be together.
I’ll be honest, that still hurts my heart. I really thought we were going to be something.
I want to say it’s not fair… But what he’s dealing with makes me feel guilty about whining over what I want.
Anyway… at least I got some time with a good guy.
Next… Some of you may remember a guy I liked who was more interested in someone else…?
I try not to pay attention to him on Facebook, but I’ll admit that I do stalk his page a bit
We are Facebook friends… I’m not sure exactly why, other then I seem to be an emotional masochist.
Anyway, today he posts that he bought a house with the girl he chose. Interestingly enough, he mentions that he is now done with Apartment life… Which is funny, because he told me he had a house with a pool.
I know that he is not the right guy for me… Clearly I know now that he is not as truthful as I want or need… So why is part of me sad?
I guess because I don’t understand why it seems so easy for everyone else.
OK… And the grand finale… if I wasn’t already down enough, I got a message from my first love today.
If you are new to following me, I have written about him multiple times…
29 years, and I still love him.
Turns out, he has a brain tumor. He will find out in the next few days exactly what he’s dealing with.
I sat there at work fighting the tears.
My heart is broken.
Sometimes, it’s just too much