On being submissive and not so much

I am a submissive woman. I say this because I like my relationship partners to be dominant. Or Dominant.

Personally, I don’t really buy into the whole capitalization thing. U/us for example. Gets on my damn nerves really but I digress. That’s a post for another day perhaps.


If I were to describe myself… I’d say that I’m quiet and reserved. Until I’m not.

I’m not aggressive and I’m not assertive. If anything, I am actually a pleaser. I want others to be happy… I hate conflict and will do anything I can to avoid it.

But I do have my limits. And once you’ve crossed that nearly invisible line of mine… Well, stand back. I am after all, a Scorpio woman. And Glinda ( the good witch- a nickname from my loving friends )

My wrath is quiet. It’s almost always with a smile on my face. But mark my words, it’s deadly. I can cut you to your core.

Anyway… I’m ONLY attracted to dominant or alpha men.

I can’t date or be with a man who isn’t made of strong stuff.

I used to think they had to be stronger than me…. but I am starting to realize that is a very tall order… And maybe they just have to be strong enough to stand up to me, and to stand with me in the storms.

Selina and I were having a conversation the other day where I was telling her about a particularly unpleasant exchange the night before between me and new guy. ……After what seemed like an hour of back and forth with him, and not feeling like I was being heard….I bared my claws and dug in. The next morning I was feeling both sorry and justified.

Anyway… It made me start questioning myself as a submissive woman. And that is when Selina asked me why I kept doubting my submissive nature because I don’t magically fall to my knees for every man.. And asked the question I am still thinking about ” Have you stopped to think that maybe like me you are an alpha sub, or that you have a feline nature repressed inside of you?”

Truth is, I am friends with lots of alpha subs. Actually, I think my friends are all alpha. That is what I am drawn to. But I see them as larger than life… and me….not so much.

But what I am is strong. I have been through A LOT in this lifetime. 

If you have ever seen The last of the Mohicans, Cora Munroe is a character I identify with strongly.

I think this clip is pretty great actually. He loves her spirit… her strength. He meets her challenge with quiet confidence and then you see it… 

That moment is one I dream of





44 thoughts on “On being submissive and not so much

  1. I PERSONALLY think your awesome and you shouldn’t let ANYONE make you doubt it.

    Yes, your the sweet, nice, and glittery witch that the munchkins love put people should still remember that under all that glitter….Your still a wand toting, cauldron stirring, spell casting witch like the rest of us πŸ˜ˆπŸ˜ˆπŸ˜ˆπŸ˜‚πŸ’•πŸ˜‚πŸ’•πŸ˜‚

    Luv ya πŸ’‹πŸ’‹πŸ’‹πŸ’‹

    Liked by 5 people

  2. I bet when you open that sparkly can of whoop-ass it’s a sight to behold. πŸ˜†

    My thoughts on this are that submitting from a place of personal strength is an entirely different animal than submitting from a place of insecurity. One is a choice. The other is a way to get by.

    When we are at choice we get to be picky about who we submit to. It’s not something that just anyone gets to see from us. Only those with a true sense of self and strength of mind will inspire us to willingly hand over the reins. Kinda sorta wishy washy game players need not apply. Application denied!

    It’s that moment when someone (surpringly) demonstrates the ability to flip the switch inside our heads from wonder woman to doe-eyed little thing that makes the world make sense. Only a select few ever get to see that transformation, to be granted access to the soft yielding inside, the sacred core. For the strong submissive, those individuals are few and far between… and God Bless them.

    Shine up that sparkly crown, girl. When a queen bends knee, it’s a glorious thing indeed!

    ❀️❀️(That clip was melt-worthy.) ❀️❀️

    Liked by 4 people

    1. I think you’ve given me a lot of food for thought here. I think during some darker periods perhaps it was less choice and more sheer desperation… and maybe that’s why I feel such confusion these days

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I’ve been there. Absolutely. The decorate need feels terrible and leads to less than optimal choices. But we all deserve to have what we really are enriched by. Holding out for that is hard when we’re in need. Really hard. πŸ˜”

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Interesting. I’m married to a Scorpio and there’s nothing dominant about him, which was our problem. Actually he ran into a Virgo he could not handle because I’ve had to be the one who made all decisions. I cannot respect a man who’s afraid of making decisions. I love a man who exhibits just the right amount of dominance. 😘

    Liked by 3 people

  4. I am sorry I’m coming to this post so late, but… WOW!

    Thank you, really, from the bottom of my heart!
    It resonates with me on so many levels. It’s funny, because some of the things you say I can find in The Dancer. The other day he was telling me he enjoys the fact that I participate in the decision making because it’s tiring to always be the one to make a decision, having to guess what someone wants, if they’re right about their choice, how that person will react if they don’t like it (my words, not his, except the first few phrases).
    And, from my side, it feels good to feel valued enough that my choices, wants, are taken into account. Most importantly, it feels good to know I won’t be judged for the choices I make.

    I don’t know exactly where I stand on the alpha sub line, but I know that I am a stark feminist, an educated woman (which sometimes scares men and women alike) and a doer. I have been entrusted with managing many things/teams, not least of which was an expat household (though was I really entrusted with that? Maybe not, but I rocked at what I did!).
    I cannot stand a man who thinks that I am lesser because I am a woman.

    BUT, and it’s a big one, I feel this need of being bound, held, spanked, controlled, particularly in the bedroom (or elsewhere, really, I don’t discriminate rooms!). It makes me feel safe. I feel like I belong to the man I trust with my well being. (which is something HE struggles with, as he hasn’t yet accepted that he is a dominant in that sense. A gentle, respectful dominant, but a dominant nonetheless. I love feeling helpless but safe. It’s a liberating feeling.

    And maybe, if I’m bold enough, I’ll show him this πŸ˜‰

    In any case, thank you for helping me come to terms with who I am and the apparent dichotomy of my needs.

    Liked by 3 people

  5. Not a criticism, just a different perspective…

    You said:

    I’m ONLY attracted to dominant or alpha men. I can’t date or be with a man who isn’t made of strong stuff.

    Being submissive doesn’t mean you are weak. Likewise, being dominant doesn’t make someone strong.

    A man has to be very strong to be with me. But *I’m* the one who’s dominant in my romantic/sexual relationships. (I am NOT, however, ‘alpha’. Alpha is a pack term, and a pack is just a herd with a hierarchy. Not my style.)

    Food for thought. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 2 people

  6. interesting you pointed out “strong enough to stand up to me” ….I myself have had this thought. Irony is, we attract the weak. I don’t mean this is a bad way but as in weak are attracted to the alpha for guidance. So we must ask ourselves, is being “weak” a bad thing? See we alpha women view weak as a bad thing but weak is being confused with vulnerable. Vulnerable is not weak but inviting to alpha so protection kicks in. A little more complex than that but I only have so many characters I can use in this comment section lol.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s a very true point, and I’ve been thinking about it a lot…
      I do have a problem with thinking of vulnerability as weakness… even in myself.

      Thanks for reading and commenting!

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Hi Cinn,
    This was a pretty awesome read. Thank you for sharing. I love that each word is dripping with attitude. I can totally identify with the feeling of not seeing in yourself what others see in you. I’m totally brand new to the site, I hope I’ll be able to find your blog back. Keep on sassin’!

    Liked by 1 person

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