Quiet confession

Just a tough time. I’m kind of always lonely but these days I’m run down and sick… and that always makes me feel more alone.

I did call my best friend recently when I woke up with a migraine, and no medicine. In the past, I would have suffered alone… Or somehow dragged myself to the store. 

Instead, I reached out for help… And like always, she dropped everything for me. What I would find out later, is that she had been in bed crying herself because her husband of 20+ years had given her divorce papers.

She needed me too. She brought me medicine, and food… Came over and made a pot of coffee… We shared it, talked, and cried… And had probably the best conversation of our friendship ( 15+ years )

I think that was a good lesson for both of us.

In the last few weeks, I have reached out to talk to people… In the past I would’ve avoided this. I used to flatly refuse to talk on the phone… But now I’m trying to reach out when I need people… contact….. Unfortunately, people aren’t always available… Especially when several of my closest friends live in different time zones.

But, we make time for each other when we can. And every time, it reminds me that somebody cares for me. It reminds me that I am loved. 

And it reminds me, that to have a friend… You have to be a friend. I’m not a great friend. I’m not thoughtful. I don’t send cute gifts and cards… I may pass through a store and see something that makes me think of someone, buy it… And then it sits on my dresser for three months.

I don’t make a lot of plans with people… I work too much, and I’m introverted… I need time alone to recharge just from the job.

So, although I do get invited to things… I rarely go. Honestly, I  wonder why people still invite me. 

Anyway, this was not meant to be a self-critical post…

I guess if anything, I am acknowledging that I am lonely. That although I have started making changes in my life, I have more to make…

I’m not sure where else to start…. so I figured as with everything else, you start at the basics…. you start with love.

Thank you to all the people that love me ❤

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37 thoughts on “Quiet confession

      1. You are more than welcome. And I know how much that loneliness can be *chuckles & sighs* my lack of blogging shows that so just remember we’re all out here rooting for you just like you always are for us.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. I can totally relate to the first meme. Thinking on it, I wonder if the isolating doesn’t come from trying to spare people the burden of my presence when I am less than cheerful.
    I’m glad you’re reaching out. I am doing the same. Asking for help. It took a ling time for me to get to that point.
    Being aware something is a problem is the best way to find ways to fix it. Keep on keeping on!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Maybe. I have started to look at the invitations that I am declining… And I have noticed that when it is an opportunity to bond in a quiet way… Such as dinner and a movie with just a girlfriend, I am always in for it…

      Parties… Or groups of people… That I have to be in a just the right place to accept.

      I have also been trying to actively invite people to do things that I can handle… Like a salt spa I am interested in trying out. Another girlfriend expressed interest and I asked her to go with me

      So maybe we just have to look for what we can do instead of just focusing on what we’re not doing?

      Hugs my friend ❤

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I think you’re right. For me, the difference is that with a friend, you know you don’t have to put on the mask, use up energy to pretend you’re cheerful when deep down you just want to crawl up in your cave and cry.

        But I also know that being with a group of people helps me get out of my head. So I’m trying to do that more often.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I think you have friends globally, just some of us (like me) are terrible at letting other people know that yes we do care, as usual, I do not know what to say that would help you in any way, except I do think about you and Ms. Jade, and Ms. Emi and B.Butch lots.

    personally and it’s none of my beeswax, so feel free to tell me to get stuffed, but I think it might help you some to actually go out and socialize with at least 1 friend even if it’s just for an hour at a coffee shop or sammich shop or do some mall crawling with them, and maybe do this once or twice a week.

    anyways Ms. Cinn, I hope you feel better soon, lots of rest and chicken noodle soups for you physical tiredness and illnesses, and you need to get one of those giant teddy bears and have a serious cuddle fest with it, that might or might not actually help, but a 5 ft tall teddy bear? how can that not put a bunch of awesome sauces into your day/evening?

    Take care Ms. Cinn and get well soon 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You always help me feel better. I hope that you are doing well yourself. I have been worried about you.

      See my response to Dawn.. I think you are right on the money with your comment

      Xo

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Absolutely no offense taken, my dear! ❤
        I'm very happy to know you're more comfortable reaching out for help… Your post inspired me to reach out today for something fairly big. Thank you!!

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I regret not meeting you when you were here. Sigh. But that also comes from me being a craptastic friend. You are easy to love, sweet Cinn. And I do the same — when I am lonely, I make myself lonelier. I am grateful you reached out to your friend and you were able to be there for each other. Much love, friend.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m so glad I could do that for you!

        I have been far too crazy busy with work and family lately. I try to login and check in to see how you’re doing – but not as often as I want to. Things should settle, at least a tiny bit after this week. I want to get back into my own blogging and sharing but mostly into connecting!

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Yes, start with basics. I relate to so much of what you say about this post…wantung to be around people, but needing time alone more sometimes…have definitely bought the gift that sat around. Even on holidays, on so much I can “people”. And yet here I bare my soul. Create the person I want to he, learn from the person I don’t want to be (some of my old ways) Growth is steady, but not always as fast as I want it to be…such is life..anyway, have enjoyed your posts, so just wanted to let you know I’m here, listening to your story. Take care, Cinn

    Liked by 1 person

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