First world problems

Tonight I’m agitated. Not really for any particular reason… I just feel stressed. It’s probably just being overly tired. I haven’t been sleeping well.

I’m not sure why about that either.

Usually I sleep really well. It’s frustrating.

Today was my day off from work. Last week I worked a six day week…That alone has me frazzled. Today I had to be up early because one of my staff was sick. I’m questioning that really, but that’s really my intuition and not something I’m going to pursue anyhow…

Then I’m dealing with taking one of my dogs to be groomed. That entailed driving 30 minutes out of my way to pick up his shot records, because I use an old school country vet.. and their fax machine was down. They don’t know how to use a smart phone… or don’t care too… not sure… but either way, it ended up with me having to drive there and then the vet basically fussing at me because I’d asked for these records to be sent to too many places ( three previously ) and giving me three paper copies with the expressly implied message of don’t bother us again with this.

The other copies were requested by rescue agencies actually- I was trying to adopt a dog, and unfortunately had several inquiries that didn’t turn into anything.

I did adopt a dog eventually. Maggie May is perfect for me and Bluebell, and I’ll tell her story another time.

So I don’t do conflict well. And this just frazzles my nerves. I was nice and apologetic, when I really should have said I’m the customer and who fucking cares if you had to fax it three times. Charge for your time. Whatever. But I didn’t.

I sucked my feelings down. I smiled. I apologized and hated feeling chastised like a child when I’m the customer.

I don’t let people walk on me at work. It’s the one place in my life where I don’t take shit. God only knows how that happened.

Then I had to do a work conference call. What should have been a short call turned into an hour. Corporate mindset and goals, goals, goals…

Ugh, I’m so not relaxed.

Finally got to go home and still don’t feel relaxed. Work calls me again. Ugh.

Watched tv most of the day. snuggled with the dogs. Can’t shake this keyed up feeling.

Hope I get some good rest tonight.

Yeah, first world problems. For sure.

I need to learn to tell people to fuck off.



12 thoughts on “First world problems

  1. Cinn, this has nothing to do with first world problems!
    It’s your anxiety kicking in for a reason you are only half aware of.
    The ‘first world problems’ are only the trigger.
    Also… if it’s your day off, you do need to tell your boss to fuck off. Unless they are willing to compensate and give you extra time to rest, you need to respectfully explain that days off were invented because companies realised that their workers were more productive when they’d had time off to reset their batteries. You need that time.
    Which means no interruption unless someone is dying. Something like that.
    As for the vet, he doesn’t have to be apologised to. He should be the one apologising for talking to you in that way. You know it already, but I just wanted to write it down to reinforce, because I know that little voice in our heads that keeps telling us WE’re the problem. We need to tell IT to fuck off too 😉
    Being aware of the problem (need to tell people to fuck off), is the first step. And the hardest one. Now you’ve recognised the problem, it will become easier and easier to see. And soon you’ll be able to *act* on it.
    You can do it Cinn.
    Maybe part of the problem is your army experience? After all, there you were trained to take orders without discussion (unless I’m totally mistaken, in which case you’re allowed to tell me to fuck off! Just be gentle about it, please! It’s possible to be assertive without making the other person feel bad 😉 and that was actually *my* key to finding my voice).
    Sending love!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Chuckling here, imagining you trying to work up the courage to swear at somebody! Glad you adopted a dog, she could not have found a more loving home with you… love to you all from me and my pup! x

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Ha, ha – hope you can assert yourself so you don’t have to tell anyone to “fuck off”!

    BTW dogs are awesome, never had one as a child but got one when I meet my wife and I could never go back 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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