Capable

So I wrote before about a man who wanted a second chance with me…

So, at first it was going good… we texted frequently and he was very supportive. Then one day my car battery died. He offered to help me fix it.

It’s really hard for me to let anyone help me. Independence… Pride… But, I know that not letting him help me was denying him something. I knew that letting him help me would make him feel useful and needed…

So, I did let him help me. He showed up with a male friend. They took me to an auto parts store to buy a new battery… And then back home where they changed it out for me.

When he left, he gave me two big hugs and I felt really positive about the direction things were going.

But the next afternoon I got a text that was very offputting in tone. Basically he was mad that I didn’t text him in the morning to tell him my car started and was fine… Almost implying like I used him and didn’t need him anymore.

Truth was, I have thought about him several times during the day… But I had been busy at work and planned to talk to him as soon as I was off.

So I told him this and apologized… And then basically he proceeded to give me the deep-freeze for the next few days.

Honestly, this is why I don’t like to let other people help me. People help you and then throw it back up in your face… Or feel like it’s some kind of leverage.

Ugh

So anyway… I started to notice that he didn’t have much to say during the week… But would pick back up on weekends.

I have enough problems in my life right now… I have zero energy for chasing anyone.

So this :

I’m calling a spade a spade.

I feel like I’m being very open and honest here.

Yes. I lost one of my dogs. Absolutely heartbroken. 💔

So between both of my parents not doing well at all, and losing my dog… I’m barely holding onto my shit.

So yes, I’m not giving him much but I’m giving him what I’m capable of.

I’m trying..

Yet again, another week between contact.

I’m not mad. Honestly I know that my life right now doesn’t leave much for a significant other… But I also know that I made an effort to be open, to be honest and vulnerable… I was transparent in what I wanted and needed…

So, I’m proud of that.

He couldn’t be consistent, and that’s OK. It’s just not OK for someone who wants to be in my life.

At least I know that I’m not always running away. I know that I am capable a drawing boundaries and still giving people a chance.

I’m pretty proud of myself.

Advertisements

14 thoughts on “Capable

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s