I think it’s fair to say that I am a woman of depth. I don’t like the shallows.
You know when you swim deep down… You feel like your lungs are going to explode, but you push yourself anyway…
Finally, you come up for air …..and it’s incredible.
Breathing is new. You’re alive.
That’s where I live… This water dance.
I used to feel shame at my darkness. I thought it made me bad. But it does not. It makes me balanced… And makes my moments of light all that much brighter
Anyway… Sometimes when I’m down there in my thoughts, things that I think are truths actually aren’t.
Something I’m learning about intuition as well…… Sometimes it’s not that your intuition is wrong… It’s that you’re listening to something else… fear, doubt, insecurity… evil lies … When you’re in those moments, it’s easy to be confused. And once your mind goes there… It’s easy to go chasing further down that rabbit hole…
Lately I have been doubting some of my friend’s feelings for me. Not just my friends…..but some of my very best friends.
The reality of this is that it goes back to a very, very old wound.. it goes back to my mother telling me that my friends didn’t really like me.
A child’s heart was broken. Was she right? I don’t know. As an adult I can see that she was probably trying to protect me. Life gets messy. Wrong words are chosen.
Anyway, in the last week I have been on the ascent back up… I have started to see that I was wrong. Sometimes people don’t love us the way that we want them to… The way that we think we need them to…… But it doesn’t mean that they don’t love us.
Life often gets in the way of good intentions.
I was listening to a reading today and this exact thing was addressed… And this speaker was kind of laughing about how much these people actually do adore us…. and I find myself laughing too. It IS silly.
Day progresses and I decided to take a nice long bath. I have a beautiful garden tub… One of my favorite things on earth.
pink Himalayan bath salts and very hot water… and heaven ❤️ These two are my favorites!
( in case you are not aware… Salt bath are excellent for spiritual cleansing- Empaths especially take note )
After this, I was feeling very calm and loving… I decided to send my friends love.
I did this meditation laying on my bed, with my eyes closed. And about halfway through, I began to cry.
I was crying because I could literally feel the love I was sending out into the world returning back to me.
Pretty amazing experience.
I am attaching the video for anyone who would like to try it.
It seems fitting at Thanksgiving to put a little more love into the world ❤️ 🌎 I really hope you try it.
PS- I know this is long and rambling… But I wanted to put it out anyway. I also thought about taking the bath part out… But I feel like it was important for someone to get that information
I couldn’t sleep last night. Actually I haven’t been sleeping well for a while now.
Things are very stressful at work… But I can’t really blame it on that. I feel so much inner conflict… And I’m not even sure why.
I feel this pressure on my chest… and I know it is not a physical cause.
The other day, I took a Valium just to relax… And I hadn’t needed to do that in a long time.
First world problems. My mind is so quick to be critical. Even of my own pain.
I did a lot of crying today. That’s a good thing actually. I don’t let myself cry very often.
So then I was getting ready for bed, and I decided to go searching for answers. I went looking for universal reasons for what I have been feeling.
I looked through a few video titles… And then this one caught my eye.
Almost as soon as she began speaking, I knew I was meant to hear this message.
Of course she speaks the language of glitter and sparkle… So there’s that.
Anyway, I had a real good cry listening to this video. But now, I feel like I can sleep. I feel like I can breathe, and I feel the light coming back to me
So, if you’re curious I thought I would share…