Day 17

I’m Christian and it impacts my relationships because of the way I live my life and I want a partner who is the same.

That said, I only expect my partner to be a believer. I don’t necessarily care about the religion they follow.

Mostly a good heart. Believes in not doing harm…

Seems like the most important thing to me ❤️

Day 14

Now. I’m on vacation. I slept in late – around 8 am.

I’m sitting on my patio listening to the birds, and the sound of the wind. It’s raining ever so slightly… Can’t quite smell the rain… yet. I do catch glimpses of scent from my lime and lemon trees.

And now I smell the rain. The birds quiet.

Storms are coming. But..

I’m at peace.

Day 13

Selina and WWA. We met as bloggers… I think WWA stumbled on my blog, but maybe it was the other way around?

It was over 4 years ago… maybe 5 ?

I was reeling from divorce. My pain was off the charts… I was trying to figure out who I was, and desperately looking for someone to love me.

I didn’t realize it then but I did find someone to love me. Friends ❤️

WWA brought Selina into my life.

I was really hesitant. I didn’t want to trust anyone else. I don’t want to let anyone else in…

But I’m so glad I did.

Here we are years later… we talk every single day. Here’s a glimpse

We support each other, encourage each other, push each other, love each other and often horrify each other. OK maybe that last one is just me 😁

You know someone is a good friend when they don’t hesitate to piss you off, because they know you need to hear the truth.

You know they are a good friend when they celebrate your personal victories even more than you do.

I will admit I am kind of emotional writing this. I’m really reminded how lucky I am.

What’s funny is my friendships continued to grow from WP. I don’t know what I would do without Little Scarlet and Darling as well.

I’ve learned SO MUCH… I’ve grown SO MUCH

That’s love ❤️

Feeling my way

I’m still talking to the man who has come back from my past. I believe that this was meant to be. I believe he is supposed to be something in my life… it’s just that I’m not sure what that is. I’m not sure if it is a life partner or someone teaching me the next relationship lessons before I meet my life partner.

Here’s what I can say so far. I am being completely honest with him. I am being vulnerable… at least to the level in which I can be comfortable. We have acknowledged that obviously we both have walls up, and it’s not realistic that we think they’d come down right away… but we want to lower them and that’s a start.

So what happens from here I don’t know. We have had one date. It’s moving really slow. At times ( tonight ) I don’t feel like he’s really that into me. Thing is, I like him, but it’s ok if he’s not. I’m proud of my choices and actions and at the very least, I am heading in an ever healthier direction.

I’m learning to listen to my intuition, and my feelings. But I know that I have to also be aware that my insecurities and fear can cloud that and I need to be mindful. Sometimes I have to just be still. Not act. Not think too much. Just know that the only thing I can really control is myself.

I have struggled and slipped with my weight loss and lately with my exercise. I’ve been doing some soul searching… I think it’s because of fear. It’s a fucked up form of protection. It’s a way of keeping others at bay potentially. And it has to stop. I got back on the treadmill tonight. I walked for 30 minutes. It wasn’t a lot but I’m exhausted from a recent trip and it’s 30 minutes more than the past few days… so there’s that.

Tonight is a full moon. The Scorpio moon. I don’t know much about it, but I keep seeing things about it being important and I’m a Scorpio. I’m going to go outside and appreciate it’s beauty, and be still… and we’ll see what tomorrow brings.